Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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