Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
