I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want to make out with him forever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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