Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
