I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we made out on top of his cat.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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