he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
