He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
