You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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