So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
