You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Holy shit dude........stairs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
