dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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