a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
