Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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