I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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