It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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