I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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