i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
