Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
