Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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