thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
