I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
