My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
