I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
