The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
