lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
