There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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