I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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