So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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