i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
