is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
