he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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