with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
