I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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