Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
