if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
