I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
