What a fucking waste of an outfit
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my shit smells like andre
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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