We're like a lot better than the average bears
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
