Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So vagazzling was a success
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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