She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
