thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
