shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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