I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
