I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
