this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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