so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
