I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
