I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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