Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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