suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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