It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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