so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
