you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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