i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
